My boyfriend spent the weekend being an awesome handyman and helping his dad paint the exterior of the house (it's a multi-weekend project). Because he's incredible and helpful and such a good guy, I was left to my own entertaining devices. You might think this'd mean I finally would hang hangers in my closet instead of just living out of my laundry baskets like I did in high school (which drove my mom NUTS. hi mom!).

If you thought that, you were, sadly, wrong. In my defense that was my plan for a good chunk of my Saturday which ended up being spent at work on what was thought to be breaking news and then ended up being crapola.

Anyway, because my hottie mc hott hott boy was tired out of his wits and I was hanging out with myself, I took myself on a date. Oh yeah. And let me tell you, I know how to treat a lady. haha.

Since I love y'all I documented some of it so you can see just how big of a nerd/weirdo/peculiar little lady I am.

I started out going grocery shopping. I wandered full of aim and excitement (payday will do that). I grabbed my bookshelf, crap tons of food, some makeup, conditioner and some new basketball shorts.

Classy, I know. 

I treated myself to a manicure care of Sally Hansen Salon Effects nail strips. I'm obsessed now. Look how cool they are!! (You'll see what I mean by obsessed coming up.)

After that I made myself a relatively fancy dinner of shrimp scampi in linguini and cracked open a cold Diet Coke.

After dinner it was the movie portion of the date, naturally. Mine consisted of Psych (can't get enough) and some Oreos for dessert. 

 

Then I gathered my reading materials, and admired my awesome nails some more. (I want to buy 10 more packs of these, people. I hate disappointing nail polish like fat kids hate Kashi. This stuff does not disappoint.)

I finished off the night with a scalp massage, okay, okay, I just played with my hair a bunch. And an ice cold glass of Simply Lemonade which I cannot get enough of. This stuff is LEGIT.

All in all, I had a pretty good time. Good thing I'm good company, otherwise I'd be in big trouble.

Also, Sally Hansen and Simply Lemonade, wanna fund my obsessions? Kthanks.

xoxo.

grand torino style

It's 4th of July weekend.

This, inevitably, means festive fireworks and fun to be had by all.

Surely, I know this.

I. love. fireworks.

I wait all year to watch them and I get so excited.

I love when the 4th is on a weekend because that means there are generally several days of fireworks from various celebrations, etc.

BUT

DO NOT LIGHT THEM OFF NEAR MY CAR.

In a slightly Grand Torino-esque manner I totally just yelled at a bunch of teenagers outside my house.

Yep. Not because they were having too much fun (by all means kids, enjoy your youth while you can), not because they were too loud (they were), not because it was late (11:45pm, yeah, that's late), not even because their fireworks were illegal (which they were, based upon size alone)...but because they were lighting off their massive and, clearly, illegal, fireworks TWO LITERAL FEET FROM MY CAR.

My still-being-payed-off car.

The one I still owe several thousand dollars on. 

(Note: this week, I've paid off one year of my car!)

The one that if damaged in any way will require me to sell both kidneys, a lung and my firstborn.

So, yeah, my house is likely to get egged at some point (Sorry Jill!)...but kids; 

GET OFF MY LAWN.

well, well, chicken bell....

Okay, so Ruth totally called me out a couple weeks back on not delivering the funny. 

So here I am today with some amusing, some random, some just plain ridiculous stuff.

See? Toldja.

It's all just a big ole hodge podge.

Seriously.

Is it bad that sometimes I want to take computer science classes just so I could learn how to hack into better internet? I don't want to take anyone's information or anything, I'd just like better bandwith than I'm currently getting.

This clip made me crack up tonight ... because it's so me:

See, I've started "mall walking" or as I like to call it retail perusement.

I do it partially for the added health benefit (as I sit all day at work) ... and partially for the people watching. 

I don't stick to one store, or one place, I like to hopscotch around, thereby awarding myself the chance at seeing crazy alllllll ovah the place.

For.Real.

But I really like Melissa's idea (the lady above, obviously we're BFF and, thus, on a first name basis) of buying really bad artwork and just leaving it for your friends.

I'll be the first to tell you that working in the news business shows you some nutso stuff.

But it also allows you to see weirdos in their natural habitats and, much like animals, when you're there on your terms and not theirs, things can get interesting.

Like today, for example.

One of our reporters was out on a live shot and I can see this guy stroll up to her with his bike (first weirdo indicator: he was walking his bike through the park, not riding it) and begin talking to her.

Her body language gets increasingly uncomfortable.

He leaves abruptly and all was fine for the show.

So, when she gets back and my newscast is finished, I ask her photog what the heck was going on with that. Here's what happened (verbatim):

Weirdo Dude (WD): Hey.

G: Hi.

WD: Are you Hmong?

G: Yeah, I am.

WD: Are you married?

G: Nope, but I have a boyfriend.

WD: Is he white?

G just smiles.

WD: Yep, he's white.

And the weirdo just walked off.

Poor G. But such a funny story.

So here's reason #4895938475893745 I'm glad I've been going to the family ward and not the single's ward:

here's part of the email I got today:

Okay if you need a little better perspective:

Yep, you, too, should come to tonight's activity for food, new friends, and to meet your eternal companion.

But they can't come right out and say it, they have to use abbreviations so that only those really desperate, or in the know, could possibly know that's what tonight's activity is for. And then if you're not too busy, you could stay for the class you actually came for. Yaknow.

My Netflix addiction is RIDICULOUS. And since most of "my shows' are on summer hiatus, I pretty much don't need any "real" tv anymore.

Scratch that, I need the Daily Show. But that's it. Thank goodness for Hulu.

Trader Joe's has their new tart yogurt finally back in stock! I freaking love that stuff. That's nearly all I ate my summer before I graduated BYU and I'm so glad I can now buy it in the store and pay the mere $3.49 a quart instead of the $5.25 per cup at the yogurt shop! (Add in in some Oregon blackberries and fuggidaboudid (anyone get my terrible mickey blue eyes reference? *crickets?*).)

My boyfriend renews my affection for him all the time...like the other night....when I failed to be a grownup and take care of my own needs.

I casually mentioned that I was gonna need toilet paper soon and I needed to be reminded to remember to buy some. I didn’t remember. 

And it proved an issue as I used the last of it…and didn’t want to run to the store to buy more. (It'd been a long day and I was lazy.) 

Pat came over and we were watching clips on YouTube and I mentioned that if he needed to use the bathroom he'd have to use some Olay moist toilettes for him to use. He kissed me on the forehead and said, “I brought you toilet paper because you said you were gonna run out soon and I knew you didn’t remember to buy any.”

Okay so a mildly embarrassing anecdote.

So I'm trying out Victoria Secret's wave spray for my curly hair days (I haven't found anything I really love for curly hair that isn't like a bagillion dollars (I used a birthday coupon to get this stuff)). It's kind of oily and is supposed to be sprayed evenly over your hair. I like to follow directions (including praying for it to actually work) and, well, I have a lot of hair... so I'm sprayin for a while.

So I stood in my bathroom today, sprayin away, and scrunching, and spraying and scrunching.

Then it was time to change into my real clothes (i.e. not my yoga pants and tank top) so I turned toward the door, took one step, slid all the way across the linoleum and smashed my face into the door.

I hadn't taken into account that the slippery stuff going on my hair, would also be falling on the floor.

So there I stood, startled but not hurt, laughing boisterously at my own lack of thought and hilarious uncoordination. 

(I am makin up words all over the place tonight.)

I've heard Mambo No. 5 eight times in the last 6 days. 

No joke. 

It plays ALLLLLLLLL the time on the local soft rock station. 

Also, my oldies kick continues, but has now added the 80s to a greater extent. 

Well, I think that's all the funny I have in me today -- 

so how are you all?

Got any funny stories of your own?

xoxo

some new deets

1. I have discovered the beauty of Google Reader. How did I ever live without it before?! It's increased the ease of reading all y'all's blogs...but it has cut down on my commenting because it requires another step...and I'm blog lazy.

2. Once upon a time I had to turn in my timesheet today for work. (Which includes my hours for tomorrow.) And once up on a time in a two week (80 "required" hour work week) I had 28 hours of OVERTIME. That's in ADDITION to my regular hours.

28
what the what!?!!

I miss my weekends. Sigh.

3. I have become obsessed with Parks and Rec on NBC. I'm firmly convinced that NBC has the market cornered on good sitcoms. Plus I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Amy Poehler.

4. I have finally watched two movies I was waiting to be able to rent: You Again and MorningGlory. Both are SO good. I really liked em. You Again is super cheese-fest, but it's really clean and pretty interesting. Plus I identified with the fact that she's a dork/klutz. And MorningGlory was really good...and pretty accurately depicts the news industry (which is usually a load of not-realistic poo in movies). My only issues with it were that it made me think of work on my limited time off. haha.

5. Pat and I have eaten BBQ 3 times this week...it's been AWESOME. I'm pretty much obsessed with brisket and ribs...and Mac & Cheese.

6. We watched an episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the other night and the whole time I kept wondering how April's news station functioned because it seemed to shut down when she was missing ... but it wouldn't if it was New York ... and Pat laughed at me because I was analyzing news coverage, not the giant talking turtles.

keeping the crazy at bay

I'm fairly convinced that one day I'll be one of those old ladies who gives herself a nervous breakdown because she's thinking about/stressed about/worrying about too many things (i.e. has too much on her plate). 

Although, (and my mom will vouch for me) I'm usually much happier when I have a lot to do -- because being bored sucks.

My dad will likely cringe--but that's my to-do list on my hand. Not the most effective means, but it gets the job done. Plus. I'm never without my hand. 

So I'm gonna share some crazy to alleviate it. 

Apartment hunting sucks. Sucks. Apartment management businesses try to take you to the bank with everything required just to APPLY. 

Pat and I are going to a 1-year-old birthday party this weekend and I'm stoked. This little girl is the cutest little bean and we've been privy to so many of her monumental moments. 

Plus her parents are rad, so that's a huge bonus.

I realized today that there might be something worse than passionately disliking someone -- and that is severe apathy for that person. That you don't care what happens to them in the slightest. I realized this because there are people I actually feel this about. Two I can think of, actually. It makes me feel kind of bad. 

I have Blazer's tickets for next month and I can't wait to go. 

I want it to be NOW. 

(Escapist much?)

I have a coworker who is sucking up to me SOOOOOOOOOO bad because she knows I have a piece of info that if told to our boss would likely cost her her job. Instead of feeling empowered by this, or even like I can use this to my advantage -- I mostly feel awkward. Partially because I even know about the situation... partially because I know she thinks I'm going to/have told people ... and partially because I think she's going to try and use this to make me seem like I'm picking on her.

I ran/read some weird stories today: 

DIY gastric bypass kit available on Amazon 

College kid stabs four, killing one, after being teased about farting at a party

Bourdain's list of 10-second late night meals

My hair keeps getting curlier. 

And bigger. AND LONGER. 

I was looking at it over the weekend and it is past my bra line in the back. No exaggeration.

Even Pat commented, "your hair is really long!"

I miss my family.

With all this stress, and crap-itude going on lately...Pat has been my rock. 

We had a fantastic weekend this past weekend -- and I couldn't be more grateful. 

He is more amazing that I can, or could even fathom being able to tell you.

(And I'm keeping the deets to myself because they're SUPER emotional and personal.)

Any of you dealing with the crazy?

xoxo.

why i need to enlist a grandma

See this gorgeous kitchen? 

Well, I have a funny story about this place. 

So it's no secret from y'all that I'm looking for a new apartment (due to my crazy roomie). 

Well, in my quest for the perfect new place -- I've been looking farther south in town ... closer to the boyfriend. 

One night while headed over to his place I stopped at the market and realized there was a big group of apartments just across the street. Desperate as I am, I decided to stop in and see if I could talk to anyone working there. 

But before I did this -- I did something really creepy. I looked inside people on the ground level's open windows. I could see these gorgeous kitchens, the cute little living rooms with fireplaces and laminate flooring.
And from what I could tell, there were tennis courts, covered parking, a pool -- everything you could look for in a complex.

I fell in LOVE. 

I was sure they'd be out of my price range, but I new I needed to ask. 

I walked inside the front door, approached the front desk and asked the girl if they had any apartments available. 

"For your family?" she asked. 

I'm sure I looked puzzled and replied, "No, for me."

She smiled as she said, "Um, miss, you can't live here."

A little bit hurt and slightly offended that she judged me that precisely I said, "Um, alright. Thanks." 

She laughed and said, "This is a retirement community, so you're too young." 

OF COURSE. 

Of course I fall desperately in love with the RETIREMENT COMMUNITY I can't move into because I'm 40+ years too young.

Hahahahahahaha. Classic. 

So, my search continues.

xoxo.

i'll be home for christmas. literally.

So I've had a half written post stuck in my drafts for days. 

This is still not it. 

But this IS my I'm-so-excited-to-go-home-and-see-my-family-for-the-first-Christmas-in-two-years post. 

See this house? 

This is gonna be what it looks like when I get in tomorrow night.

Isn't it adorable?

I love this place. I can't wait to play my piano, sit on the couch in a blanket with my sister, talk about books with my baby brother, sit on the floor of the kitchen and talk to my mom as she cooks (-- or maybe help her cook :P), and to watch football with my dad, and to talk to my little brother on the phone in Nicaragua!

Also, to see New England snow again. I haven't seen real snow in nearly two years! That's crazy business!

But I will say, I'm going to miss Pat an awful lot. I know it sounds silly, but we spend very few days apart and this is the time you're supposed to be with your loved ones -- and he's for sure my loved one. I wish he was coming with me. But I know it's just a few days and we'll soon be together again. I love that guy. 

(And hopefully I can teach him how to Skype so we can talk face to face on Christmas Day!) 

Plus, I bought him Nerf guns (among some other things) and I cannot wait to play with them. They have glow i the dark suction darts!

Also--check this out: 

tiny me opening presents.

Or I really should say: tiny me playing with wrapping paper. 

That's still what my hair looks like when I wake up on Christmas day.

I hope your days leading up to Christmas are treating you well. 

I love you all lots. Sincerely. 

warmest christmas wishes,

To be honest, I've had a hard time blogging these past few months because all the fun exciting things I'd like to tell you about -- I'm afraid to.

Mostly because of all the stories about professional and educational troubles due to facebook and blogs.

So, once again, I'm thinking about going private -- so I can tell you all about my life! 

(Because that's the fun part, right?!)

Thoughts?

Anyway. 

I'm going to lay something on y'all. And it's going to be mushy. But this is my space, my rules, my game. Holla.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people in my life. 

family picture, 2006

I have the best family a girl could ask for.
My mom is the most amazing woman. She knows when something is wrong, or when you need her -- even when you haven't said a word. She supports me in, through, and with everything. And she'll let me call late, no matter how early she has to be up. And she makes me laugh simply when she laughs.

My dad calls all the time just to make sure I'm alive, to make sure I'm doing alright, and to make sure I haven't driven myself crazy. Plus he tells me awesomely pun-tastic jokes, which slay me. And he still calls every time Bleeding Love is on the radio.

My little brother Braden is so sweet and works to maintain our bond even though he's so far away. This week he and I got a chance to chat via email, and he reminded me how great he thinks I am. We talked about the future, about our great family, about being homesick. Growing up and moving away (even from each other) has really solidified our bond. Plus, the kid has the wackiest sense of humor and the greatest laugh.

My littlest (ha. he's actually the tallest) brother Ben and I are pretty close. In fact, out of everyone in our family, I'm the only one he confides in. I think that's incredible. He's a 17 year old boy who loves to chat with his sister. He's so funny and sarcastic, he makes me chuckle even through his texts.

And lastly, but never least in my life, my baby sister. She's such a blessing in my life. Every night (EVERY) night she texts me goodnight as she goes to bed just to make sure she knows I'm thinking about her. And she is more than gung-ho about boyfriend ... embracing him even though they've never met. Plus she's HILARIOUS. And we have nearly the same laugh at this point, which really makes me happy.

 (we found mustaches in the vending machine on 2009's vacation...so naturally we made her look like a creeper. This picture makes me laugh nonstop EVERY.TIME.)
Actually, thinking about it, my family is hysterical. I said they make me laugh, about each of them.
I LOVE you guys.

I'm grateful for my wonderful friends.
You know who you are (hint, you, hint). I'm so grateful I have you in my life.
For my Megans new and old.
Miss Holly, my long-time, permanent bestie.
For el producero del manana. For my blockbuster co-hort. And the amazon, pink-shoed lady.
And so many more of you.
I am blessed to have you in my life. Love, xoxo.



And also, I feel crazy about blogging because, honestly, I am desperately, hopelessly, ridiculously in love.
And the mush can only go so far before I become sickening.

I am the luckiest girl.
I have a man who treats me so well, tells me I'm beautiful, calls me just to say hi, comes over all the time (no matter how tired) just so we can spend time together. He makes me laugh (seriously non-stop. funniest person i know.), tickles me til I almost pee, snuggles me, cooks for me, holds me, listens to me babble (all.the.time), kisses me on the forehead, and loves me.

We've had some fantastic times. {And lately those times just keep getting even better.} I can't stop smiling about when I think about our memories (for example: eating chinese food in my room while listening to music and watching netflix).
Honestly, he was the one who saw me when I was invisible. But he never treated me like I wasn't the msot important, beautiful or wonderful person in the world.
He's so special.
I never thought I'd be so lucky to find someone who just gets me.
Thanks for being my puzzle piece. I love you.

Anyway. 

Love you all. 

Fur. Rills.

xoxo

stuff i've been thinkin about...

it's another round of crazy things going on in siovhan's head.

i'm still at work today -- because the news never stops. even for holidays. although it really mostly does because holiday shows are the most challenging to fill. but i love a good challenge. :)

my BRAND NEW cute little car got broken into over the weekend.
stuff got stolen. and police thing i may have been targeted, actually. ick.
it makes me feel ridiculously unsafe at my apartment.
i keep having nightmares about it, about people attacking me, about people breaking into my house, etc.

still, i love my car.
i love how many dang cup holders it has.
seriously. it has like 6 ... maybe even 8.
(not sure if the back seats have em in the door, too...i never sit back there).

i love that it's getting to be fall weather. i love cool, crisp, leaf-changing weather.
i'm not as excited about the perpetu-rain in oregon, though.

i finally found my perfect pair of mirrored aviators:

{i heart them.}

i have the sweetest boyfriend in the world.
even when he's sicker than a dog...he's great to me.
we had the funniest night the other night, watching tv, listening to music, and just chilling together.

i'm in love with this sweater i finally got in the mail. courtesy of some birthday money and a gift certificate:

{i've never met a cardigan i couldn't love...well, almost.}



college football season has officially begun. and i couldn't be more excited.
i LOVE football. 

go cougs! go ducks!
and hooray for victories on both sides this weekend.
i'm stoked to watch this season's games.


Oh, and Miss Summer B's dad is doin real awful.
Send some love and prayers his way.
And if you can -- click here and add to the good karma, and love he needs.

 This good man deserves some epic universal love.
 Plus Summer's gonna pay it forward.
Also watch how happy he was to see her -- here.
That's pure love, my friends.

grown up life is dummmmmmmmmmbbbbb.
it involves too many bills, too many heartaches, and not enough fun and spontenaity.
yes, i know i can fix some of that...and i'm trying.
(/end whining.)

xoxox.

introducing...

So since poor Jamal is D-E-A-D dead...I needed to get a new car. 

I'd been debating between the Mazda3, the Toyota Yaris and the Nissan Versa.

And after some test drives, sleepless nights, SO much stress, a few tears, many hugs/kisses/snuggles/taking me off a ledge/tips from boyfriend, lots of negotiating, even more math, 49837457 calls to my dad, meeting with an agent and financial agent and the GM ...  ladies and gents, I'm the proud new owner a cute little Nissan Versa.

{Not my actual car, but same model and color.}

We finally got it down to what I wanted (or at least as close as I think it'd ever get). 

And I really like this car. It's SO cute. And has new car smell. And is shiny. And cute. 

And mine. 

I'm still tryin to figure out what to name it ... I'll keep ya updated. 

Plus, I did this with the bank of Siovhan...not the bank of Mom and Dad. 

Kinda proud of that step.

(And prepared to be paying it off for what will seem like forever -- compared to Jamal's no payments.)

xoxox.

i'll take you out though i'm hardly worth your time

Tonight I watched Liz's Vlog post ... and then I sat down to create some new playlists for a friend of mine who's going through a hard time.

As I sat listening to all these different songs I employ for various reasons ... I thought about the funk I've been in lately ... and how I got here. And I'm still not sure how it happened, or how to get myself out of it, all I know is that I want to be done with it.

All my life I've been a super social butterfly. I love getting to know people. I love finding out all the funny, quirky, wonderful things that make them them. I love being a friend. I always have. I'd give my left, or heck--my right, arm for any of my friends. But lately, I've drawn myself into this weird little shell, afraid, untrusting, unsure, and (frankly) lonely.

I need to fix that. I need to get back to being me. I'm not exactly sure how to do it...but I want to. I mean, I love boyfriend with all my stinkin, beating heart --he's my closest friend here, the one person I tell everything to-- but I also need someone(s) to hang out with when he's busy, or working, or needs man time. And I need to stop being so gosh darn BORING. I'm starting to bore myself.

I see all of you and your amazing groups of friends -- and I miss the tight knit group I used to have. I miss my Megan. I miss my Lyndsi Shae, Andrea, Brooklyn, Naomi, Steph (x 3), Dani girl. I miss the friends I made in college. They put up the fact that I was so often one of the boys more than one of the girls. The friends I have here are AMAZING, please don't get me wrong, but there was something about "my girls" in Provo ... we had this unbreakable, unshakable, intense bond ... and I miss that. I know part of the problem is that up to now most of my friends here in Eugene have been guys and hanging out with them one on one is awkward what with me being "attached'... plus most of them have girlfriends now. I need that here. I need to find that. I think I have in some respects and I need to trust those girls to be that for me. I need to trust that they're not going to stab me in the back or use me or be ridiculous like so many others have -- and just be their friend. Be the Siovhan I know I need to be/want to be/AM. 

End rant.
Oh, wait ... Thanks to each of YOU who I've become friends with through this medium -- each of you buoy me up more than you know and I'm grateful I have you. Sincerely.
Now the end.

ANYWAY. 
How were all YOUR weekends? 
I can't wait to catch up on the reading I've missed this week.
{My boss is on vacation so I'm doing HIS job and MY job all last week and half of this week.}

My weekend was very relaxing. I got the stomach bug that was going around my office -- but after that wore off, I mostly took it as an excuse to take naps and sleep in and not do anything responsible. Haha. AND I got to eat popsicles when I started feeling better.

Now if only I could convince the Oregon weather to let the sun come out. I MISS IT.

xoxo.


p.s. I GET TO GO HOME TO BOSTON IN TWO WEEKS...and I'm RIDICULOUSLY excited. I haven't been back there since Christmas of 2007. Wow.

hold on for one more day...

WHERE DID THE WEEKEND GO?!

Seriously.

I want it back. Now.

This weekend was full of wonderful, sweet, (one real unfortunate,) relaxing and just plain blissful moments.

I want to live it over and over and over again.

(not my actual bed...just what the bedspread looks like)

First off -- I have pictures to show you!

But they're on my home computer ... so I'll have to post them later.

I got my new bedspread and took that as a time to move all my furniture around and kinda rework my room.

I'm in LOVE with the bedspread.

Literally, just waking up and seeing all the bright colors (lime green, turquoise, fuchsia, purple) makes my heart so much happier and really does improve my silly mood.

Secondly -- MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY IS IN TWO WEEKS.

(June 2nd if you're counting.)

And I'm SO excited. Birthdays are a big deal in my family and an all out celebration. As a result, I'm carrying this into my adulthood and celebrating the fact that I'm still young and alive.

And I will get some of THIS business:

Razzleberry pie. Hello ... Raspberries and blackberries (and some apple) all in one delicious flaky crust?

GET IN MY BELLY.

And on your birthday it comes with no calorie guilt.

As far as presents go all ponies, million dollar checks, and Loubies can be sent to (and willing received by):

Siovhan

In My Big Fat DREAMS

Eugene, Oregon

As far as real presents go, I'm having the hardest time deciding on things I really want. Most of the stuff I've looked at is real impulsive ... but not necessarily an enduring want. 

The boyfriend is especially frustrated with this because I can't tell him what I want. 

And "nothing" doesn't work.

I DO love this bag from Target.

I love the studs. And it's the softest handbag I've ever put my tiny little hands on.

I promise it looks better in person than it does on the web.

Sigh.

Any suggestions from y'all? 

What would you just love to show me...or think suits me?

Happiest of Mondays.
Only 4 days til the weekend!
xoxo.

I'm a stranger on my own blog.

I know I still owe y'all pictures of my tie dye.

And I need to be a better blogger.

I just don't have the energy for it a lot of times lately, but I miss you all SO SO SO much.

I have some stories for you.

That thing from work I couldn't tell you about -- we went HD! In just 8 weeks.

It's still taking some getting used to, and newscasts are way different.

And we got a pretty new set -- check it out.

(I blocked out my station because ... no stalkers. Haha.)

Isn't it pretty?
It's taking some getting used to, some adjusting, and some re-learning.  

But it's so much bigger, newer, more advanced than our old setup.

In other news, part of the other reason I've been absent is something real personal I'm gonna share. 

So I was on a prescription meds to take care of an infection in my mouth -- making it so I could get my root canal. Well, turns out I'm allergic to them. I was pretty sick for like four days ... and then on Friday I got really really sick at work. When I went home I immediately went and laid down and the longer the night went on the worse I felt. Long story short, I ended up in the ER and was really dehydrated as well as definitely allergic to this medicine. I have a few more tests that need to be done -- but I'm slowly getting better...and getting back to eating real food. And boyfriend has become my loving monitor -- making sure I'm doin alright. (He's seriously so adorable. I wouldn't have been able to get through it without him.) But this kinda explains to you that when I'm home, I mostly just hang out and try to rest and feel better. I leave work nearly every day just exhausted. Hence my semi-hiatus from blogging.

In even more other news...
I'm a person who hates change in some respects -- and craves it in others.
I've drastically dyed, cut, played with my hair a TON and love the change. I like changing around how my room is and what it looks like. I enjoy reorganizing.
And let this be said I LOVE my blog. I love the layout that LJ did for me. But I'm starting to itch for a new change.
I want something that looks kinda like Lacey's or Rasha's or Naomi's.
I love them.
So anyone wanna help a sister out? (I'd ask LJ but she's on break.) Or know someone good (and cheap) to help me re-do it?

HOW ARE ALL OF YOU?!

I hope you all get to have a wonderful, happy, (ER-free), amazing weekend!

xoxo.

p.s. Sorry to the two followers I lost this week. That sucks. Sorry ya didn't wanna stick around!

they tell me your blue skies fade to gray

Today has been one of those days that's just crummy.

Not one where it's bad and I can look to turn it around.

One where I can't catch a break, can't seem to do ANYTHING right, one where I feel like an utter failure.

One where I'm not sure just how everything went so awful so instantaneously.

One where I just can't. seem. to. fix. anything. 

I broke my tooth, need a root canal, and after some major crying (which I SO don't do in public...but did a TON of last night), they put me on Perkoset -- which makes me tired, dizzy, and really emotional.

For someone who prides herself on her pain threshold, this stuff hurts like hades.

But beyond that my heart hurts.

I'm confused, and hurt, and just plain lonely.

I'm homesick, I'm sad, and I just want my momma to snuggle me and tell me everything is going to be okay -- because when she says it, I believe it more.
I want my best friends. 

I don't want/need/expect your pity.

I just wanna get over my own.

I want something to go right, feel right, be right again.
{for longer than a day}

I want to understand the thinking behind the action, why this place isn't the same as all the others, why--for the life of me--I can't stop thinking about May 25th in a hopeful and OH SO necessary kind of way.

Well, I'm gonna go pass out.

BUT in a non melancholy way ... be sure to check out my Ruler for a Day post and give me all the reasons why YOU ROCK.

xoxox.

you got some 'splanin to do...

I feel like I owe you guys an explanation about my lack of blogging.

There are a couple reasons for it, not excuses, but reasons.

1. I got a minor promotion at work--doing our TWO main shows of the day. This leaves me writing, wrangling, editing, rewriting and generally working my little {i wish} rear off.

2. I promised myself that I would never force myself to write when I didn't think I was putting something good on my blog.

3. I've been trying to live REAL life. Do things I want to do. Expand myself. Try to be happy again -- outside the stress and grown up stuff. Because I've been missing happy for a little while.

4. Boyfriend. He's hott. When he's around -- I want him to occupy my time. 

5. When I get home, often the last thing I want to do is stare at a computer screen, again. 

I'm sorry. I'm trying to find good things to think about and show you and take pictures so I have evidence of the fun stuff I'm doing. 

Like this: 

I revamped my bedroom wall with new pictures and frames. 

Awww yeah. 

xoxo.

the one where i get raw...

Life is real.

And I know I've said it in the past, and I'll surely say it again, but sometimes {grown-up} life is an angry hooker with ugly shoes and bad lipstick.

There are days you wonder why you didn't just stay in bed.

It woulda been so much easier if you'd just slept through that day -- and not bothered.

Now, I'd love to be the girl who's positive and can spin any situation into something wonderful.

I'd love to be a little of the old me who smiled through the bad days and figured them out ... sans tears.

But that's just not true anymore.

And, like a wise man told me today, it's just not real. It's not reality to think that on the really bad days -- you're gonna be little miss sunshine and roses.

Today is that day.

The worst part is that it's certainly not even just a one event horrible day ... it's one where one thing happens, then another and then another. And by the end of the day, you're crying in your bed wondering what in the world you were thinking when you woke up that morning.

The day your hair's too greasy and flat, your dress doesn't fit right, your tights rip so you have to find another pair, you're late to work, your license plate goes missing, and you can't find your registration to go get another, your out of checks to even be able to write one to the DMV, you get loads of doctors bills -- and nearly next to nothing in your paycheck, you get angry, you get sullen, you get coarse. People suddenly become a more amplified annoying version of themselves. You let the little things, the things you swore you weren't going to freak out over ... freak you out. You clench your jaw. You cry. You stop. You check yourself...and then you cry some more.

You have a look that's somewhere between near-tears and wants-to-scream-your-face-off for so long ... you rule yourself a menace and decide to seclude yourself. Which doesn't pay off in anything more than a lot of trying to fix the situation, desiring to fix the situation, thinking, worrying, throwing up, and that once again culminates again in crying.

You become such a miserable mess that you eventually end up being a total wench face to the ONE person who truly doesn't deserve it. Ugh. You rule yourself a horrid person. And cry.

The day that this quote runs through your head over and over....

"I'm ugly and awkward and I always say the wrong things. ... I love our home, but I'm just so fitful and I can't stand being here! I'm sorry, I'm sorry Marmee. There's just something really wrong with me. I want to change, but I - I can't. And I just know I'll never fit in anywhere."

until you realize you feel this way ... to a degree you've never before felt.

Like you don't fit. And you don't know how you ever will.

Days like this...

days like today...

they suck.

I may not get out of bed tomorrow.

Or perhaps, I'll move to Australia.

should old aquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind...

2009 has been a long year.

Not all good. Not all bad.

But chock full of experience, that's for dang sure.

So I decided to relive the good parts of my year through the sparse amount of pictures I actually took.

Here we go.

January

I spent my New Years Eve with friends of mine from my church playing lasertag, dancing, doing some karaoke and having a great time.

I took my first trip to Seattle ... and loved it.

That city has got to be one of the most unique, fun, and idiosyncratic places in the world...and I love it.

And there was a whirlwind trip to Provo for one of my best friends' wedding receptions. During that time Megan and I got to spend some quality time together. Obv.

February

The only thing I had pictures of was the skating outing some of my friends and I took. Obviously, I'm not fantastic -- but I can stay up without falling over.

March

This was the month I went to the coast EVERY weekend. This is just one of the trips -- but I is the trip I fulfilled my dream of finding an entire whole sand-dollar. His name is Clarence and I love him.

April

My mom and my sister visited all the way from Massachusetts. Cross the whole country.

So I took them to the coast -- because we all love the ocean.

Even in May it was FREEZING. But we had so much fun!

I took my mom to the Portland temple.

May

In May my close friends and I made our first (for some) excursion into camping on the Oregon coast. It was COLD! {And apparently those muffins are really funny...}

This is Bonnie and I in the tent we shared with 3 19 year olds...it was a loud and long night.

June

I started to learn to wake-surf AND wake-board. I had never done ANYTHING behind a boat...no water skiing, nothing. Only tubing. And I got up on the board and even surfed for a bit on my first time!

This is Heather and I on her dad's boat.

July

I spent 4th of July with my 3 year old "boyfriend" Gavin. He loves me. We BBQ-ed, played ping pong and dinosaurs, made s'mores and watched fireworks together.

I also took my first vacation on the job. This is my mother and I, in Nauvoo, where her humor makes me nearly collapse in a furvor of giggles and happiness. My family IS my heart.

Coming across Iowa we found one of my favorite things -- fake mustaches.

In a coin machine. At a truck stop. So I HADDDDDD to have them. We had so much fun with them -- wearing them through much of the rest of our travels.

This is all of us, minus dad who's taking the picture, underneath the arch. It's one of my favorite pictures of my family.

August

Bonnie and I went to see Jack's Mannequin and The Fray in Portland.

IT WAS AMAZING.

September

Went to the Umpqua Valley Wine festival with friends of mine from work. This is Gia; isn't she gorgeous?!

My Megan came to visit and we got quality time, tie dyed, and took TONS of pictures.

Had our first experience with VooDoo donuts. The VooDoo man is chocolate covered and raspberry filled on the inside. Plus he's all voodoo-ed. Awesome.

October

Visited my brother (and childhood friends) in Utah for General Conference.

Hung out with my Eug Family while the kids were on fall break.

Celebrated Halloween post-swine flu.

Oh and added a hottie boyfriend to my life.

Best part of October.

November

Dyed my hair dark-er.

Learned to make a little of my own fun while at work.

December

Pinata-ed at Heather's 22nd Princess birthday party.

Bought an I Love My Ducks shirt -- to celebrate the Ducks going to the Rose Bowl.

All in all 2009 was eh. 

I'm real excited for 2010. 

Some come on over, Oh-10 ...  my, you're looking fine. Have you lost weight? 

Pssssssttt... come on over, I'm ready and excited for you.