i'm freaking nuts.

I originally planned to do this cute funny post about all the random thoughts that flowed through my tired, stressed, crazy mind today. Thoughts like -- I think New Englanders like cats so much because they're tiny, fuzzy versions of a northerner ... independent, spoiled, and only socialize on their terms. Seriously.

Then I thought about all the complaining I wanted to do. How at 23 (almost 24) years old I have panic attacks, my eyelashes are falling out, I cry wayyyyy more than I used to, I can't sleep, I dream about work {workaholic much?}, I have back problems, and how I wanted a cookie at that exact moment. And how that actually kinda worries me because I'm too young to stress myself to death.

Then I thought about how I often feel best friend-less here in Eugene. Mostly best chick-friend less. I've been burned a couple times, and that's made me distrusting. And my BFF Miss Meggers ... we're just so busy that we've grown apart. But the funny thing with her is that we can always pick up exactly where we left off -- a quality I don't find with a lot of people. I just really miss having that with someone in close living proximity. I have some amazing friends here, please know this, but (lately, especially) I miss my girls that I left at BYU/Utah. 

Then I thought about how lucky I am and what a wimp I am for whining.
And then I decided to whine in my head a little more -- so I didn't do it out loud.
Like how my outfit didn't look the way I wanted it to today, how I want a navy blue cardigan, how I wish journalism paid better, how I wanted to come home and just pass the freak out ............ but couldn't get my mind to turn off, how I was kind of a butt today and I was kicking myself for being rude to people because I was massively swamped {not okay.}. Like how I always want to be the nice girl -- the one who's understanding and easygoing ... but that doesn't always work with managing shows and people and stories and still working to accomplish everything else I need to do. 

And then I laughed at myself. Partially because I'm ridiculous, partially because the things I really want to whine about I can't write in such a public meeting, partially because I don't want to create drama.
And partially because I'm such a weirdo always trying to have a firm, steel-like control over my life.

Then I really thought.
And realized how completely and utterly ridiculous I am. 

And that it's LEGIT okay to be completely 

exhausted. 

And that it's okay to have a bad day or just be a little outta it.

And how I really really really want a vacation.

And a massage. 

And a pony. hahahahaha. 

I need summer. And sunshine. And swimsuits and a beach. And a breakkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

{So I painted my nails silver to cheer myself up and they look BALLER.}

xoxox.