Blog Fodder

Sometimes I'm at a loss for what to blog. Often I feel like my life, while humorous, is one that must be more experienced and not always optimal blog fodder (more "ya had to be there" kind of thing).

Luckily I stumbled across this: Twenty Something Writers. AAAAAAAMAZING. They have writing prompts and everything (like sunshine to my soul, seriously). Upon my search of their past ones--I ran across one that I felt inspired by. And thus...

We all have something we want to say to someone. Maybe it’s someone in your life now. Or, maybe it is something you wish you said to someone who is no longer in your life. It could even be Mr./Ms. Random Person that you saw in the local coffee shop today. What do you want to say that you were never able to?

i've been thinking about you a lot lately. which is weird, and really random. especially because for almost 8 years now i've avoided that. honestly, it scared the crap out of me. you were such a huge, intense part of my life that quickly and very suddenly became nothing. the decision for me to distance myself and, ultimately, cut you out of my life was intense. you were the first person i really ever had to walk away from. to cut my losses. i think it was harder than any decision i'd ever made up to that point, as young as i was. i hated you so much for causing me so much pain. there were so many nights spent crying and heartbroken. i could never understand your decisions, how you could even fathom doing half the things you did, but i refused to let them affect me further. i resented you for so long. years later seeing you sent a scary emotion rushing through my body. it was a mixture of pity, disgust and sheer terror. you had so much promise, and you squandered it. you were the one person in the whole entire world i sincerely feared as well as verged on hating. and besides the one horrific time i saw you at home, i never thought about you. until your letter last year. it threw me for a loop. i was enraged at first, but when i actually opened it and read it, i discovered it was something sweet. it was one of the kindest, most wonderful things i've ever received. i wash shocked you still thought of me, that i still seemed to matter (in some degree) to you. after that, i felt like i finally had closure and a semblance that in the past i really did matter to you. and lately i just keep thinking how i'm grateful that you still think of me at least fondly, as someone who affected you for good. that, at least in your eyes, my mark on the world has been a positive one. and for the first time in years, i sincerely hope you're well.